the one about giving myself permission

I’ve read a number of blog posts granting moms permission to stay in yoga pants all day. To throw your hair back in a pony tail on day 6 without a shower. To skip the workout and watch DVR instead.

And I gotta say…I like reading those blogs. I feel better when I read that it is OK to let myself go.

But really? I don’t feel better. I feel worse. Because I have let myself go.

As a mama, I put my girls before myself. I think it is expected that I do that. But it doesn’t stop there. I put my husband before myself. I put my friends before myself. I put just about everything before myself with exception of my 47 inch tall laundry pile. It’s probably last on the list. But right above the laundry pile is little big ol’ me.

What happens, though, if we give ourselves permission to put ourselves first? Not all the time. No. We can’t. It’s not realistic, and we did sign up for certain sacrifices when we decided to grow tiny humans. However, what if for just a few minutes day or week, whatever you and your family can spare, you decide to take some time for yourself?

What if you decide that it is OK if you wear pants with buttons? And God forbid if those pants actually flatter your butt? Even if you’re not at your “dream size” or “happy weight,” what if you bought some jeans that fit you right now and made you feel amazing? I mean, Target had some on clearance for 6 bucks (not that I was at Target for the 4th time this week or anything).

What if you stop scraping your chipped nail polish off with a credit card (just me?) and actually pull out the remover and properly remove said polish? And what if you get really ambitious and actually paint them a new color? Not gonna lie, I did that this morning…albeit locked in the bathroom, but I did it.

What if you give yourself permission to take your children to the childcare at the gym so you can get yourself in better shape? Or what if you let your children watch a movie in the other room while you exercise at home? It’s not going to hurt them, but it will help you…which ultimately helps them. At some point, “I just had a baby…10 months ago,” had to stop being my excuse, and I had to give myself permission to just. do. something. for. myself. (and by myself, I mean my flabby ass and love handles for days.)

True story, I bought Insanity at the beginning of the summer. I had ambitions of using it religiously and getting in the best shape of my life. Well, the fear of the program caused me to wait about 4 weeks before actually doing the fit test. After the fit test didn’t go so well, it took me another 2 weeks to actually start the first workout. The first workout went something like this:

Minute 1: This sucks! This is too hard!
Minute 3: I can’t do this! Where’s my water?
Minute 6: I’m ready to quit. I hate this.
Minute 9: Oh, Ellen’s on!

Yep. I quit. I felt so defeated, out of shape, and horrible about myself. After thinking about it the rest of that day, I decided that Insanity wasn’t for me right now. I gave myself permission to find something else that would work for me, but I did not grant myself permission to give up on making myself look and feel better.

So, the next day, I started Jillian Michaels’ 30 Day Shred. I have done this program before, achieved great results, and it is only 25 minutes long, which fits perfectly with my lifestyle right now. I can accept my failure of Insanity, but I cannot accept that it is OK to wear frumpy clothes and yoga pants daily just because I’m a mom. I’m only 29. I have a lot of hot years left, folks.

These things that make us feel better…like painted nails or applying makeup or exercising or showering or cooking great meals or drinking a glass of wine or listening to music or whatever…these are important things. If we aren’t happy and healthy and feeling good, our families aren’t either.

So, Mamas…I’ve written your permission slip. All you have to do is sign it.