My husband was out of town last week, and in an attempt to save my sanity, I let my kids make a list of everything they wanted to do during that time while he was gone. Each girl got to name a restaurant where they wanted to eat, a place they wanted to visit, and an activity they wanted to do. They unanimously said they wanted to go get their school supplies as one of their choices. So, despite the fact that taking all of my children to Target alone is one of my least favorite activities, I loaded them up and off we went.
Equipped with their lists on my phone, we weaved through the aisles and pulled the corresponding pencils, notebooks, markers, crayons, colored pencils, scissors, sanitizer wipes, and baggies. We bought the folders with pockets and prongs, the glue sticks, and the note cards. The art boxes, the tissues, and the extra large pink erasers.
Our cart was comically full, between the baby in the front seat, the 3 year old in the basket with school supplies piled all around her, and my older two girls hanging on either side of the cart. We received warm smiles and heartfelt chuckles from other customers in the store. The joy and excitement of my children with all of their new belongings had its own gravity. I mean, who doesn’t love a crisp, pointy crayon?
I found myself in the euphoria of checking one more thing off the list, having already purchased their backpacks, lunch boxes, uniforms, and shoes, and I thought to myself, “Alright. They are ready to go back to school now. They have everything they need.”
But later that night, once the kids were all in bed and I was alone in a quiet house, I was confronted with feelings of anxiety, restlessness, and uncertainty as we prepare to start another year of school. The “what-ifs” and the “I-hopes” took over. I came to the realization that my children actually needed so much more than what was on that School Supplies List. So I began to brainstorm a new list.
What do my children really need for this school year?
Variety pack of Respect, Resourcefulness, & Resilience
You will need all three of these throughout the year — heck, throughout the day. Respect for your teachers and your peers. Respect also for yourself. There’s a respectful way to disagree with someone else. There’s a respectful way to stand up for yourself. There’s a respectful way to win and a respectful way to lose. Some human beings will hardly seem worthy at times, but we are called to love and respect one another…to treat others as we would like to be treated. Respect.
You will need to be resourceful. You will need to know the answers to questions, and you will need learn where to find those answers. If you can’t find what you’re looking for at first pass, try again. Keep looking. Keep asking. Don’t give up. Things won’t go as planned. Projects will fall apart. You’ll lose things. You’ll break things. Be resourceful and keep going.
Resilience. The simple art of getting knocked down, but standing right back up. Whether it’s just a mental struggle or you literally trip and fall on the playground, be resilient. Get up. Someone may hurt your feelings, and as much as I want to keep that from happening, I know that I can’t. We can’t control what anyone says or does to us, but we 100% can control how we handle it. And in this family, we get back up.
1 ream of Patience
Have patience with yourself. You may not get things right away. Your name may not be called first for a special classroom privilege, and you may have to wait a while before you are recognized for a job well done. Patience. Your time is coming. You may not be that great yet at what you’re trying to do, but you’ll get there.
And have patience with others– with your teachers, with your friends, and with your mama. Especially your mama. I will forget to sign more than a few papers. I won’t always remember that next Thursday you’re supposed to wear green (which means that next Wednesday, I need to wash all the green– but first I have to find it). It will take a little while for me to get back into the swing of things, too. Patience. And reminders.
1 box of Thinking Outside the Box
I dare you to think differently. Come up with new ideas and listen to other points of view. Don’t be afraid to take an unconventional approach. Be a little weird. It’s OK.
1 set of Slow to Anger, Quick to Love
You will be challenged multiple times a week, perhaps even multiple times a day, by people who you don’t agree with, who may hurt your feelings, who may play with someone else, who may break something of yours that you really loved — and you will want to feel angry, hurt, disappointed, or left out. Those are all very real feelings, but I encourage you, when you start to feel overwhelmed and consumed by anger and frustration, when you feel like the water is about to boil over…take a deep breath and turn down the heat. Go for a walk. Take a time out. Breathe deeply. And reflect. Try to think like the other person. Is there a reason for his or her actions? Is there something you could have misunderstood? Is the other person just having a crummy day and felt like spilling that misery onto you? Do your best to meet the people who hurt you where they are. And if you’re brave enough, I dare you to show them love.
24 pack of Inclusion
Playground games. Seats in the cafeteria. Birthday parties. It’s OK if you and a group of friends are playing together. You don’t have to go around and insist everyone to join you in the name of inclusion. However, if you see someone who is alone, who has no one to talk to, nowhere to sit, no one to play with, you must make an effort to include him or her. Start a conversation, do a big ol’ “come over here” gesture, pat the open seat beside you and offer a warm smile — it doesn’t matter how you do it, just make sure you are an includer. The person may resist at first. The person may want alone time and that is their choice, but you keep inviting anyway. Every day. Every time. The potential rejection you may experience from someone not accepting your inclusion PALES SIGNIFICANTLY to the potential devastation the other person may be feeling if you never make the effort. Take the risk. Fight the feeling in your belly that makes it feel awkward and the voice in your head that says, “I’m sure she is fine over there by herself,” or “She wasn’t that nice to me today so I’m not going to talk to her.” Include, always, anyway.
1 container of Confidence (large size)
You were gifted by God to be the exact person you are right now. You aren’t finished. You aren’t done. You are a work in progress. You are evolving everyday. You are growing, learning, and changing in both mental and physical ways. You are not perfect, but no one is. Be confident. It’s easier said than done. I know this to be true. I battle with my mind everyday, but I am working on it and determined to be better for you. Believing that you are anything other than an extraordinary miracle from God is just a lie that you don’t have the time to listen to. You have things to do. You have stuff to learn. You have stories to tell. You have a life to live, and no one can do that like you. There will be other girls with pretty hair, but here’s the good news – more than one girl can have pretty hair. No one has to have the prettiest hair. There will be other girls with cute clothes, but here’s the best part – more than one girl can have cute clothes. No one has to have the cutest clothes. There will be other girls who are smart, but…you guessed it! More than one girl can be smart. No one has to be the smartest. There will be other girls who are funny, but…say it with me now…more than one girl can be funny. No one has to be the funniest. Here’s the one exception – you ARE the YOUEST. STAND in your skin, in your light, in your personality — that’s a whole lot to be confident about.
