It was Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent, and I was thinking about what I was going to “give up” for 40 days. I have done different sacrifices over the years, but nothing really “changed” me. Now, I am not sure that is the purpose of the sacrifice, to be permanently changed, but it certainly is a nice by-product if that happens. I have given up chocolate and French fries before, but soon after Lent was over, I went right back to my old habits, forgetting completely the sacrifice ever happened to begin with. This year, since I am going through the process of becoming Catholic, I really wanted to give it a good effort.
I decided I was going to give up Starbucks. Not coffee, just Starbucks. I was going to Starbucks daily (occasionally twice daily). I couldn’t survive without it. I was forcing my three little ones into the car at 7:30 in the morning for the sole purpose of getting mama’s coffee. And then I would add on a piece of 400 calorie cinnamon coffee cake. And cake pops for the girls. And chocolate milk. Anything to make them happy to get in the car and go. It was an expensive and unhealthy habit– one I am almost embarrassed to admit!
So, not buying Starbucks during Lent would be a worthy sacrifice. Additionally, the money I saved from my daily habit would be turned into an extra donation at church. I am guessing this will be around a $200 savings.
I thought I had my plan all set when my friend, Christine, who is also Catholic, was telling me about her sacrifice — “unfollowing” everyone on Facebook. Yes. Unfollowing. Everyone. It seems extreme, huh?
If you were a member of Facebook back when it began, the Newsfeed wasn’t really a thing. Facebook was simply a collection of profiles of your friends, and you interacted with only who you wanted to interact with, and you didn’t have a running commentary of everything everyone was doing at all times. When the Newsfeed became a big deal, it became a way for us to easily compare ourselves to everyone else, whether we really wanted to or not because it was in our faces. It was hard to escape. Everyone’s opinions. Everyone’s vacations. Everyone’s drama. It was all there. All the time. And some of us, like myself, got sucked in.
I would check my Newsfeed first thing in the morning. I would check it in the car. I would check it on dates with my husband. I would check it when I was supposed to be playing with my kids. I would check my Newsfeed while in bed. I would check it during 3 AM feedings with Leo. There was never a time when it was off limits. Like my Starbucks habit, I, too, am embarrassed to admit all of this.
It was a true addiction. So Christine’s idea of “unfollowing” everyone on her Newsfeed was intriguing to me. A lot of people give up Facebook for Lent, but I had issues with doing that. One – I use Facebook for my photography business. I post photos for clients, and I was worried about controlling myself enough to use my Facebook only for business purposes. Two – I use Facebook to chronicle my own life. I enjoy looking back on the photos I have taken or the memories I have discussed on my Facebook page. I also use my Facebook to share and communicate with family.
Giving it up completely didn’t seem like a good idea, but removing every person, page, and group from my Newsfeed sounded like a great option! When I think about the negative side of Facebook, it all goes back to the Newsfeed. The waste of time, the mindless scrolling, the creeping on people’s posts, the gossip and drama, the envy, the black hole Facebook stalking… it would all be better if I didn’t have it in my face on the Newsfeed all the time, right?
So, that day, I figured out how to “unfollow” everyone. It was pretty easy. It took just a few minutes to do. I instantly felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. The only person who I could see on my Newsfeed was…me! I also kept two bloggers who I find inspiring and helpful, and my daughters’ school Facebook page for communication purposes, but that’s it.
My family. My best friends. My husband. Unfollowed. Additionally, I turned the notifications off, meaning that my phone no longer displays a red bubble with a number in it when someone comments on a photo of mine. You know that anxiety you feel when you see those red bubbles, indicating there is something you “need” to respond to? I don’t feel that anymore because those bubbles aren’t allowed.
I did the same for my email. I have over 95,000 emails (yep, you read that right), but I turned the notifications bubbles off and now I don’t feel that throat-tightening, itchy feeling that I used to feel when I saw that number in the red bubble.
Lastly, I turned off the sound notifications for text messages. I changed my settings so that my phone would only vibrate one, quick time when I received a text. It doesn’t make a noise. It doesn’t interrupt me. It doesn’t control me. I get to my texts when I can, and sometimes they have to wait.
It sounds incredibly stupid to say that “my phone doesn’t control me,” but for the longest time, it did. I was a slave to those red bubbles and alerts. I wasn’t disciplined enough to ignore them when I was busy. I would often stop what I was doing and answer them. I learned this from Allie Casazza — just because someone knows the digits to make my phone ding or chime or vibrate does not mean that they have the power to interrupt what I am doing. I say that with love — as I know that most people have no intention of “interrupting” me or demanding my attention when they text me — and I am just as big of a “texterrupter” (I made that up!) as anyone. I love to send texts. However, I also want whoever I am texting to exercise power and control over their own phones and respond when they feel like responding. If I have a pressing, emergent issue, I will call. I should not expect a text message to be answered instantly. The same goes for people who text me. If there is an emergency or something that requires immediate response, please call. Otherwise, you may not hear from me right away.
Lent is almost over, and I have already noticed HUGE improvements in my life, all because I “unfollowed” everyone and turned off my notifications.
I am more productive.
Without spending tons of time scrolling my Newsfeed and getting sucked into Facebook, I have so much more time to get things done. I am staying on top of my house (also due to decluttering). I am getting to tasks on my list that have been there for months. I used to spend far more time than I care to admit watching videos of women put on their makeup. I mean — fascinating, yes! But when I have a list a mile long of things to accomplish, I should probably put the makeup tutorials on the back burner.
I am more creative & original.
When you are constantly looking at what everyone else is doing, you are subconsciously being influenced. You start to think how others think. You start to do what others do. You start to wear what others wear. You start to like what others like. It’s just a herd mentality that we are naturally inclined to have. I noticed that my creativity was starting to fade and my inspiration was lacking. I was not coming up with new ideas to write about, and my mind was starting to feel stale. By not being influenced by others, I noticed that my own creativity started to skyrocket. All of a sudden, my mind was racing with new ideas — so much so that I had to start writing them down in a notebook so that my mind could rest at night.
I am less envious.
By the simple fact that I am unaware of who is on a vacation in Mexico and who got an amazing new car or whose husband surprised them with flowers “just because,” I am far less envious of other people. When it comes to this, ignorance is bliss. It is not that I am incapable of being happy for others, or that I am ungrateful for what I have, but it is amazing how jealous I can feel of people I barely know or interact with in real life — all because I am seeing their best, shiniest moments on Facebook.
I am spending less money.
As silly as it sounds, my Facebook Newsfeed was tempting me to spend money. Not only were well-placed advertisements capturing my interest, but hearing about the makeup, clothes, and household items that other people loved was subconsciously making me want all of those things! And there is nothing wrong with that…in fact, I love sharing what I love with my friends and realize that may tempt some others to want what I love, too. If that is bothering you, or if you are in a time where you need to cut back, please…”unfollow” me! I completely understand.
I don’t have FOMO.
Some might say, “but you miss out on all the news!” Or “You didn’t see that Sarah had her baby!” Or “What if you don’t see something that’s important?” Or “Don’t you want to feel connected?”
Well — I am still informed of what is going on in the world because I have my news shows on in the morning (sometimes…). It has been refreshing to have a break from political commentary and criticism. I am not saying we should bury our heads in the sand, but a little break from all of “the news” can really be great for the soul.
I am certain I have missed out on a few babies being born or awesome job promotions or fun events in the area, but I am learning to be OK with that, and it feels good to have power over FOMO.
“Important” is a relative term. What is important to you may not be important to me, and that is alright! In my season of life, my children are too young to be involved in a lot of extra things, so our family just doesn’t need a ton of outside information and updates. We don’t feel like we are missing out by not seeing every event, program, camp, club, or sport registration. If a friend of mine is going through something that is really difficult or requiring a lot of prayer and support, I am sure I will learn of it via a call, text, or personal conversation. If I don’t know about it because it was only posted to Facebook and not personally communicated to me, it likely was none of my business to begin with.
As for feeling connected — remarkably, I haven’t noticed any change. I don’t feel like I am out in outer space. I don’t feel alone (or any more so alone than I was already feeling seeing as how I don’t see many adults on a daily basis). I still have friends who I text with and see at my daughters’ school. I am still involved in my organizations and get to catch up. In fact, I am able to focus more on the connections that really matter to me, and thus — I quite possibly feel more connected!
I have heard some say that they just selectively “unfollow” the people on the Newsfeeds who they don’t have an authentic connection with, who they aren’t friends with in “real life,” who annoy them with their dramatic posts, etc, and that is one way to do it (and I have done that before), but the mindless scrolling can still happen, and that was my Achilles Heel. It’s not that I was just wanting to ignore all of the people who may annoy or frustrating me. It’s that I was also wanting a break in the temptation to over-absorb myself in the lives of the people I care a lot about.
There are many ways to “control” your phone and your Facebook, as opposed to letting them control you. The point is to take action. Just do it. What began as a 40 day Lenten sacrifice may very well turn into a permanent lifestyle change.
Interested in “unfollowing?” Here’s how to do it:
Note that you need to be logged into Facebook on your Internet browser, NOT the app.
Step 1: Click the down arrow at the top right of your screen and click on “News Feed Preferences.”
Step 2: Click on “unfollow people to hide their posts.”
Step 3: Click on every person, group, or page that you wish to unfollow. You may have to go through the list a couple of times since it will repopulate after each “batch” you unfollow.
