It has been a long while since I sat down and translated the jumbled mess of thoughts in my brain into words that made sense. The chaos of the last several weeks has gotten the best of me, and though I have found myself with a full tank of thoughts to express, I have not the slightest bit of energy or motivation to do anything with them.
Like most things, when you get out of the habit, it feels exhausting to think about jumping back on the wagon. Whether it’s eating better, exercising, or spending less time on your phone, when you make a little progress and than have a relapse, you find yourself at a crossroads. You can keep going, no matter how hard it is to start over, or you can quit and pretend like you never tried it in the first place.
Writing this blog is like that for me. Expressing myself through written word is one of my favorite things. It is cathartic. It is healing. It is exciting. But it is also draining. Pouring your heart out, knowing someone else is going to read it, wondering if it will sound the way you wanted it to, and feeling that vulnerability hangover after you press “publish” can be exhausting. And yet, I find myself loving it and wanting to keep going – for no one else but me.
So I thought to myself, “What if I committed to writing something everyday for 30 days?” I would do it for no other reason than to say that I didn’t give up on something – just once. I’ve started training for races that I never ultimately signed up for. I’ve written goals in notebooks that never had the slightest bit of life breathed into them. I’ve given up Diet Coke and Starbucks and fast food and Cadbury Eggs too many times to count, only to return to my vices with open arms.
My point is that I’m a starter, and I’m also a quitter.
But for 30 days, the whole month of November, I am going to show up here. I don’t care if anyone else shows up. I just know that I am going to. I can’t see the end from here. I have no idea what day 30 will look like (or even day 2), but I do know that I am not going to quit this time.
What could you do for 30 days straight? Aside from eat Pumpkin Delights and drink ice cold Moscato? Oh, just me?
What good could you do for yourself for 30 days straight?
See you tomorrow.
