• the one about when I was 17

    Tomorrow, I will be 33 years old.

    When I was younger, like most teenagers, I would project forward and try to anticipate what my life would be like at each upcoming stage. When I am 25, I will be _____________. When I am 30, I will have _____________. And while “33” wasn’t really a milestone age that I looked forward to very much, I know that I had some prediction of who I would be, what I would be doing, and how my life would be unfolding.

    And honestly? I don’t know how I am stacking up.

    I have a four year bachelor’s degree in elementary education that I “used” for six years full-time and three years in the part-time realm. I now walk past an entire shelving unit in my garage stacked to the top with teaching materials on my way to the deep freezer to retrieve yet another box of frozen waffles for my hungry children demanding “breffast.”

    I didn’t predict that when I was 17.

    I am greeted by the kisses of four beautiful children each morning and I place my kisses on the foreheads of those same four beautiful children each night. And twice, over the past nine years, I lost two babies to miscarriage. Babies I can’t think about because it hurts too much to go there.

    I didn’t predict that when I was 17.

    I am a weary traveler on this road of motherhood. Wherever I go, I carry a bag of diapers, Minnie Mouse undies, fruit snacks, pouches of puréed vegetables, and 13 Shopkins toys. I am still wearing maternity jeans because why should I wear anything with a button or zipper ever again? I’m sure there’s spit up on my shoulder and at least one booger in my hair. I haven’t slept through the night in 7 years. I pass other mamas on the same journey and raise my Starbucks cup in solidarity.

    I didn’t predict that when I was 17.

    I spend my days folding endless piles of laundry. Loading and unloading the dishwasher. Wiping chins and wiping tables. Refereeing arguments over junk toys. Transporting tiny humans in my mini van. I answer 36,815 questions a day. I am an expert at preparing meals that my children refuse to eat. I find solace in long afternoon drives with four sleeping beauties and a McDonald’s Diet Coke. I vacation at Target.

    I didn’t predict that when I was 17.

    And while my life may not be exactly what I had scripted many years ago, I find myself extremely grateful for the mess, the chaos, and the opportunities for growth. The adventurous times, the predictable times, and all the times in between. The memories, the mistakes, and just the simple opportunity to get up and try again each day.

    Here’s to “33” being far better than I could have predicted when I was 17.

  • project 365-2017; photo catch-up

    When I was admitted to the hospital at 32 weeks with preterm labor in April, my photo project had to take a back seat. This was a big bummer because I had made it to 100 days without stopping. I had every intention of getting back on the wagon when I returned home, but once I broke the habit, it became daunting to start back up again.

    I have been taking photos again here and there. Luke bought me a new lens for Mother’s Day that I have been excited to use. Since Leo’s arrival in late May, I have wanted to capture every second with him.

    Here is a little photo catch-up of the last month or so. This project, to me, is also about not giving up when I was thrown a curve ball, so here’s hoping I can keep going.

     Easter Sunday (and a rare photo with me in it)
    Shiloh’s haul from our small little egg hunt in the backyard. 
     
    Luke enjoying some snuggles in the hammock with Shiloh. 
    The girls put their new umbrellas to good use. We had a lot of rain in April.
      Charlotte taking care of baby Moana in the rain. 
       
     
    Noelle had a great year and is really excited for 2nd grade! 
    Charlotte had such a great preschool experience and already misses her teacher so much.
    There is something about this sweet face…
    Baby Leo joined our family in May.
    I can’t resist baby toes!
     
    No more pictures, Mama.
    Right now, Leo looks like the perfect mix of Charlotte and Noelle.
     
    He is a wonderful, easy-going baby. How did we ever live without him before?
  • project 365-2017; days 99-105

    We have crossed the 100 day mark in this photo project. There are times when it feels like a very difficult task to pick up my camera and find something to photograph. Maybe I am tired. Maybe it hasn’t been a great day. Maybe I am not inspired. But… I take the picture anyway.

    This week brought us Easter preparations mixed with daily randomness. We enjoyed dying Easter eggs in addition to visiting our property to snip daffodils put in vases…incredibly small moments smushed together to represent a week in the life of a mama with three very precocious girls.

    99/365
    Noelle had a turn with the yardwork, so these little ones needed a turn, too.

    100/365
    “HEYYYYY!” Shiloh wasn’t impressed that her Jenga blocks fell over so easily.

     101/365
    Mismatched outfits and a veggie straw sword fight. Sounds about right. 
    102/365 

    The daffodils on our new property have hit their fullest potential this week, so we have enjoyed snipping a few to enjoy in our home. I snapped this of Noelle and now can’t stop staring it. She is just so beautiful. Her blue eyes, freckly skin, and curly hair make her a classic beauty. You also have to love the toothless smile.

     103/365
    Noelle’s class at school put on a play about the death and resurrection of Jesus. Here Noelle is reading the second station of the cross as Jesus stands behind her. It was a really powerful presentation, and I am so thankful that Noelle understands the actual reason for celebrating Easter.

    104/365
    The girls enjoyed dying their Easter eggs. Always a tedious process, so I am thankful we could be outside for this messy tradition.

    105/365
    It hit 85 degrees over the weekend, so the girls were anxious to have some water play time. I unearthed the water table from behind the tool shed. I was a little afraid to pull it out as I didn’t know what creatures were living in the murky water that settled in the table…but I was brave and scrubbed it clean. 

    Bonus Photos:
    Here are a few more from our daffodil adventures this week…

     

  • project 365-2017; days 92-98

    This week, the weather was absolutely crazy. We had rain, sun, wind, and even temperatures that could support snow flurries (although I don’t think we actually got any). You have to love Indiana weather!

    The girls are itching to get outside any chance they have, so we put them to work in our yard. Noelle loves riding her bike down our street while we watch. It is impressive how quickly she has gained the confidence to ride.

    Other highlights of the week, not all necessarily pictured but highlights nonetheless, Shiloh had her first haircut (at the age of 2 1/2 years old), Charlotte used her last Pull-Up at bedtime (and stayed dry all night), and I spent the entire weekend organizing, purging, and cleaning in preparation for the baby’s arrival. My nesting instinct is going crazy, and I know none of it “really matters,” but it makes me feel better to at least be productive….even when my body is screaming at me to just lay down.

    We are anxiously awaiting the day when our little guy can be in these daily photos — but until then…

    92/365
    The girls found this old camera in a drawer and have been enjoying “taking pictures” around the house. Shiloh was taking a picture of me….or of her eye….it’s debatable.
    93/365
    Charlotte has sworn off naps for quite some time now, so when she passes out on her own during the day, it is a pretty big deal. I think she is growing, because I have caught her napping on the couch couple times this week.
    94/365
    Charlotte picked “a scary show” on Netflix (it was Room on the Broom which is a cartoon adaptation of a children’s book), and Shiloh was “skeered.” 

    95/365

     I took all three girls to get haircuts this week, but this was Shiloh’s first cut! She sat perfectly still and did a great job! 

    96/365
    Luke has been a great “girl dad” for all these years, but I think he is counting the minutes until we add our sweet boy to the family. 

    97/365

    We put the girls to work spreading fertilizer this week. They were excited to help (and we were happy to let them).

    98/365
    We enjoyed a family dinner with Luke’s family this weekend. The highlight for Charlotte was helping give her cousin, Magnolia, a bath in the sink. I think they both loved it!

  • project 365-2017; days 85-91

    Holy smokes! I am almost to 100 days of this photo challenge. I am surprised that I have been able to keep up with it as life seems to get busier by the day. Subsequently, the busier we are, the lazier I feel (I don’t know how that is possible, other than the fact that I am 30+ weeks pregnant with 3 other children who need me, so any free time I have involves a lot of lying down and watching the iPad).

    I did have an innocent slip-up this week that I must confess. Luke was out of town for a few days, which means we all managed to function in a fog of chaos, Netflix, take-out food, and extreme exhaustion for this mama. I thought I had taken a photo each day this week, but when I was toggling back through them on my camera, I realized I missed a day in there when he was away.

    Had I actually taken a photograph, it probably would have been of multiple unbathed children running around in just their underwear counting up all their new Happy Meal toys because they visited McDonald’s 4 times in 3 days. Nothing worthy of preserving in a photograph for years to come, let me tell you.

    So, I took two in one day to make up for it. I know, I know. Tell the Project 365 police that I cheated, but two years ago a misstep like this would have caused me to throw in the towel and quit completely. I didn’t want to do that this year. I have come too far to give up now. Forgive me, will you?

    85/365

    Bedtimes without Papa are not anyone’s favorite. I think was singing to Shiloh in this moment, but no one can do it like he does.

    86/365

    You would have thought the girls hit the lottery when I dug out two, new, unopened packages of markers for them to use. I seriously hate markers, but they seriously love them…so this simple joy made for hours of fun for them. And can we just look at that grip? Way to go, Shiloh! 🙂 

    87/365
    The light was right, and I just wanted to capture a couple of my favorite features of Charlotte’s face. Her tooth gap is so amazing. With an identical gap on the top and bottom, she has the perfect little smile. And then a cleft chin that would make Clark Griswold jealous. She is so different and unique-looking. 

    88/365
    Papa returned from his trip, and the girls couldn’t wait to “shoot hoops” with him. They look forward to it and enjoy it as much as he does. Shiloh had the perfect dunk with the perfect assist from Luke.

    89/365

    I caught Charlotte watching TV like this. I don’t see how it would be comfortable at all, but she stayed like this for quite a while. Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

    90/365
    A rainy week meant we were happy to be outside in the sun and watching the clouds over the weekend. Noelle and Charlotte were pointing out the shapes, and Shiloh was in her own world looking in the opposite direction.

    91/365
    I give him the hardest time. I am not the best wife at all times. I have been a pregnant monster for several weeks. But he is so good to me…them…us. They love him more than anything and these moments remind me that I am so lucky.