Yesterday, I wrote about my desire for a simpler Christmas this year. Today, I am writing about what will be the biggest challenge in this simplicity mission – gifts for my kids.

I am a gift-giver. It is who I am as a person. I have always loved picking gifts out for others, and when I became a mom, buying Christmas gifts for my children was so, so fulfilling. I loved creating magical Christmases for them year after year, mainly because my parents did that for me.

But last year, on Christmas night, my eyes were opened as I walked into my girls’ bedroom where they had been playing with all their new toys, and I found every single package ripped open and the contents strewn about the room. It looked like a bomb went off in the middle of a tornado. They weren’t actually playing with any of the toys. They were just opening one thing and going to the next. Dolls had already lost their shoes, puzzles had already lost a few pieces, and Mama had lost her damn mind. I was so upset that all of these brand new toys that made them so happy just hours before were nothing more than plastic shrapnel all over the ground.

I knew that no matter how much I thought I gave my children all they could ever want that I actually did the opposite – I overwhelmed them. I spoiled them.

When I saw the mess and the way they treated their brand new possessions, I got upset. I yelled at them. On Christmas. I felt awful, and I knew that this wasn’t the way it was supposed to be.

Fast forward to a couple months later when we did a playroom purge, and I was shocked that many of the items that they absolutely “had to have” in December meant nothing to them by February. Lots of like-new toys landed in the donate pile, which is fine because I am sure they are getting plenty of love from other children. However, a little part of me died when I realized that this was all a result of the kids having too much.

My children are good, grateful, sweet kids. They deserve to feel loved and adored on Christmas, their birthdays, and every day in between. For this reason, it is incredibly hard for me to show restraint in gift-buying. However, I have to honor the fact that watching my children become overwhelmed and oversensitized is not helping them to feel loved.

I have been thinking about how to transition our children to a simpler way of receiving gifts on Christmas. I honestly think that they will barely notice if we cut back on a few gifts, but I know it will be an adjustment for me.

There are lots of great ideas out there, and one of the more popular concepts seems to be the 4 gift rule, which is buying something they want, something they need, something to wear, and something to read. I think this is a great way to make gift-giving well-rounded and manageable. This might be what we try this year.

One thing we have tried to do is minimize The Santa Influence. In our earlier Christmases, Santa brought everything. Now that the kids are older, we have wanted to make sure they know that mama and papa gives them some of their gifts, and they can also pick gifts out for their siblings to open on Christmas morning. We are hoping that minimizing Santa will make it less disappointing for them when they realize that…well…you know.

On that note, we may have mama and papa give the “4 gifts” (want, need, wear, read), and then Santa brings one gift for each child – hopefully something at the very top of their lists. In addition to our sibling gift exchange, where they each are assigned one other sibling to “buy for,” this will give each child 6 gifts. We also like to do one family gift – something we can all enjoy together, whether it’s a membership to a museum, a family movie day, or just a game we can all enjoy together.

With four kids, that’s still 25 gifts under the tree, which really doesn’t seem that simplified, but I promise this will be an improvement in both the categories of intentionality and quality over quantity.

I think this seems very doable and like a great first step in streamlining our Christmas. How do you handle gifts for your children? Do you hope to simplify the process this year?

The first snow is forecasted for our area by the end of this week, and I have to say I am excited (don’t yell at me!). I am so ready to settle into the Christmas season, and for me, that means snow!

As we inch ourselves closer to the Christmas season, I find myself feeling a strong desire to simplify the holidays. Decor, events, gifts, everything. I want to streamline it all. As I have learned more about myself and what feeds my stress level, I now know that too much is definitely too much.

I am taking the time right now to really discern what actually makes me happy between Thanksgiving and Christmas. What events do we really enjoy (with little stress)? What decor gives us all the warm fuzzies without making us feel cluttered or overwhelmed? What traditions seem to be our favorites? And if anything isn’t serving our family, can we cut it out?

Pinterest is full of ideas on how to have the perfect holiday season. There are thousands of images of beautifully decorated homes, adorable new traditions to try with your kids, and all the matching family pajamas that money can buy. But so many of these “extras” can seriously weigh us down and distract us from what Christmas is all about.

For the past several years, I have really fallen prey to Pinterest. I have drooled over photographs that make me feel like my decorations aren’t enough. I have excessively purchased gifts for my children when I knew they would be happy with half as much. I have slaved over intricate baked goods and holiday meals, hoping to impress friends and family, and only feeling burned out and grumpy by the end.

I sincerely want better this year — not only for my family, but for myself. My happiness counts, too. I will not spread myself so thin that all that’s left for my children is a tired mama who can’t wait for everything to return to normal.

I can’t be the only one who desires a simpler, more streamlined, less chaotic, and truly sacred holiday season. How do you plan to simplify your Christmas?

For the past couple of years, Luke and I have poured almost every ounce of our energy into raising our four young children and building our dream house. I have written about it before, but when Luke decided to take on the task of being our general contractor, he also committed to spending nearly every evening from 7:00 pm until midnight for months — almost a year. In the middle of that, we endured a stressful pregnancy with Leo and adjusting to life with a newborn. Luke and I barely saw each other, and when we did, we definitely weren’t our best selves due to lack of sleep and incredible stress.

Every now and then, we will hear comments such as, “I don’t know how you did all of that!” or “How did you survive all of the stress?” The truth is, while we physically survived, mentally and emotionally we were half dead.

It all came to a volcanic eruption several months ago when we both realized that we were at a crossroads. We could either keep going how we were — merely putting one foot in front of the other, continuing to ignore the fact that we are about a million hours behind in quality time. Or we could decide to take control and change what we could about the situation.

We decided to commit ourselves to making up for all of the lost time, and we would do that with weekly date nights.

I can almost feel the eye rolls through the screen!

There’s something about the phrase “date night” that just conjures up imagery of a couple eating sushi and hitting up Home Depot just for fun. It seems a little corny and feels a little contrived, but we decided that we had to set aside the time for a date each week – and the happiness of our marriage depended on it.

Prior to instituting this weekly event, we went on dates maybe once every couple of months. Getting a babysitter and finding the time to go out was a chore. And because of this, when we did have time to go on a date, there were very high expectations — expensive restaurants and new experiences because we didn’t know when we would get the chance to go out again!

We also used to be really good at keeping score on each other. I knew exactly how many times Luke had gone out with friends or gone on a golf trip or done some other fun thing — and I kept count because I was jealous. I didn’t understand how he had all the time to do all of that, and yet we were only seldom going places as a couple.

When we began our weekly dates at the beginning of the summer, I no longer felt the need to keep score on him because I knew we would get our chance to do something special every Monday night. It’s non-negotiable, and if date night needs to be moved or canceled, there is a discussion about it. Obviously, things come up and we have to be flexible, but it is never changed without talking about it first.

Weekly dates allow us to keep things casual. Sometimes we just pick up sushi from the grocery store and eat it in the car before we catch a movie. Other times, we enjoy a sit down restaurant and grab coffee after. A lot of times, we end up at Target or Menard’s and just walk the aisles like all the dorky TV couples do. No matter what we do, however, we are able to speak in complete sentences without the interruptions of our children. This is very important!

We initially thought about alternating between going out dates and staying home dates– make a nice dinner and enjoy it in peace after the kids go to bed. However, when we tried to do that, our children kept coming out of their room (they must have just known), and it ended up being stressful and not restorative. In order for us to full relax and enjoy our time together, we needed to be out of our house and away from the housework, TVs, and, well…the kids.

It wasn’t until we sold our other house (we were carrying two mortgages for well over a year) that we were financially willing to take this on. We needed to structure our budget in a way that allowed for this kind of spending, because we do get a babysitter every time. Thankfully, we have a standing “Monday night” arrangement with our babysitter, so we never have to scramble for someone and she knows the children well. It still stings the wallet a little to pay each and every time, but we know this is an investment in our marriage – and a happy marriage will only benefit our family in the end.

I love the example we are setting for our children. They know that Monday nights are date night. They don’t ask or question it. They just know. In the beginning, we had to explain to them that it is important for mama and papa to spend time together, and that it will allow us to be better parents to them. After several weeks of this, they have come to expect it. I hope that we are showing them that investing in marriage is important.

It can feel like society sends us the message that marriage is supposed to be hard. And I get that sentiment, because there are times when you are faced with challenges and you have to be willing to put in the work — but I also don’t believe that it should be a struggle. Or that it should be unhappy. Or that we should just accept that things aren’t the way we hoped they would be.

Adding in a weekly date night was an easy, simple fix that has made a huge difference in our relationship. I highly recommend it to all couples, but if weekly isn’t feasible, even setting a monthly date on the calendar could make a huge impact. What about setting your alarm to get up one hour earlier, one day each week, so that you can enjoy coffee and conversation together without interruption? We would totally do that, but our children wake up incredibly early. 

It all adds up to a healthier marriage and a much happier family.

I went to Target today.

I know. No one is shocked.

Anyway, I went to Target and immediately fell in love with all of the new Christmas decorations they have in the store, right next to the Halloween items now 70% off. I managed to leave with a new Christmas tree skirt, a wreath, and a tiny bit left of my bank account.

I called my best friend on the way home and warned her that she should not go to Target as everything was so pretty tempting. We talked for a little bit about the upcoming season, and then she said, “Really, this is the best time of year, right now. We aren’t overwhelmed with things to do yet, and we have everything to look forward to. This is the fun part!”

I have been thinking about this conversation for several hours now, and what I keep coming back to is the difference between waiting and anticipating.

The holidays are full of anticipation. We plan and choreograph everything from family gatherings to holiday meals to breakfasts with Santa to decorations for our homes. We are joyful and excited as we count down the days.

Holidays aren’t the only occasions we anticipate. My girls began counting down to their birthdays months in advance. They even made countdown calendars to the school book fair. They love to look forward to things, and I think that is a trait a lot of us share, children and adults alike.

But what about waiting? Why is that so much harder to do? It’s the same concept as anticipation of the holidays or a birthday or a book fair. We want something, and it isn’t ready yet. So we must wait. We must find a way to pass the time so we don’t go insane. And yet for me, waiting is so, so different.

Whether it was waiting to receive an interview for my first teaching job, or waiting for my first (or second or third or fourth) baby, or waiting for our house to be built, or waiting for my husband to get home after a long day of mom life… waiting nearly kills me, every time.

Why can’t I “wait” with the same joy that I “anticipate?” Why can’t my children wait for their chicken nuggets to cook with the same joy that they anticipate what Santa might leave them on Christmas Eve?

You could say that the reason why it is easier to anticipate an exciting holiday season than it is to wait for something like a phone call from your doctor is because one is a happy occasion and the other might not be.

But Friends, we don’t know any of that for sure. We don’t know if the holidays will be full of the merriment and wonder that we so very much wish for, and we also don’t know if every medical test, meeting with the boss, or delayed reply to your last text message will bring bad news.

We don’t know.

The only difference between waiting and joyful anticipation is our own attitude about it. The best part is that we have the power to change all of that. We can turn waiting from a time of worry and anxiousness into a time of excitement and hope, simply by changing our mindset.

And also by reminding ourselves of the truth.

“Jesus replied, ‘You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” – John 13:7

We are given many opportunities to practice patience in our lifetime. It could be something as simple as anticipating Christmas, and it could be something as gut-wrenching as waiting to become pregnant – but God knows what He is doing.

We can wait with worry or anticipate with joy. The time will pass anyway.

We are now a few days into November, which means the busy holiday season is upon us. While this is an exciting, busy, and happy time for many, it also can be several weeks overstuffed with stress and chaos.  

I have found that when I start to feel the effects of too many events on the calendar, I turn to regaining control of my life by way of cleaning and decluttering. Few things help me to relax and calm down more than putting away visible clutter and getting everything back in its place.

There are a few posts on my blog that discuss how I have learned to declutter (and therefore, destress) from Allie Casazza. Prior to our move, I tackled nearly every room in our house to ruthlessly purge everything we didn’t want to take with us, and I could not have been happier.

I have only just begun to play ‘NSYNC’s Christmas album, yet I am already feeling a little hot flashy and itchy when I think about everything we have going on between now and New Year’s Eve. I desperately want to enjoy this time with my precious kiddos, and I know that keeping my stress and anxiety at bay will be super important in the coming weeks.

When feelings overwhelm and panic started to take over today, I went to my pantry and got a trash bag. I decided to take back some control and do a “3-Pass.”

What is a “3-Pass?”

Put your Disney app away, Ladies. It’s not a Fast-Pass (although I feel like I could utilize the Fast-Pass system so much in my non-Disney life— skip to the front of the checkout at Target, anyone?).

A “3-Pass” is a quick cleaning and decluttering method I invented to help keep our busy house of 6 under control. I go through each room of the house (all bathrooms included) three times. I spend under a minute in each room, moving quickly and efficiently. Each pass, I have a different mission. I don’t stray from what I am there to do. I don’t dive into recorganizing closets or any other daunting task. I keep it simple and fast. 

First Pass: Throw away any trash. This is why I get a big trash bag before I begin. I empty all trash cans from the bathrooms, look for any candy wrappers under the girls’ beds, pitch any scrap pieces of paper, recycle any water bottles, etc. I am not allowed to do anything else while I am in each room. Just get the trash and get out.

Second Pass: Remove any items from the room that belong in a different room. My girls occasionally drag toys into their room that belong downstairs. Sometimes coats and shoes are left in the living room when they should be in the mud room. Water cups get taken to all corners of the house. During the second pass, I collect the misplaced items on our table, sort them according to where they need to be returned, and then I usually enlist the help of our girls to get the items to their homes, especially if it is their toys and books and coats that need to be put away.

Third Pass: Clear the surfaces. I learned a long time ago that one of the best things you can do when you want to declutter but don’t know where to start is to just clear the surfaces. Dressers, end tables, coffee tables, vanities, counters – stow the papers away, store the toiletries sitting in the cabinet, put the books back on the shelf. If you must have little items sitting out on a piece of furniture, use a bowl or a plate to collect all the things together. It is truly a breath of fresh air when you can look around a room and see clean, clear surfaces.

I spent about 45 minutes doing this “3-Pass” method today, and I felt so accomplished and refreshed by the end. My mind felt sharper and I didn’t feel consumed by clutter.

Life is going to be bustling for the next couple of months, but it doesn’t mean that you have to lose control of your house and life. Small steps add up to big progress, and something as simple as a weekly “3-Pass” can really help keep you sane.

Now about my Starbucks Drive-Thru Fast-Pass…